What if they’d had Cell Phones?

quotes from movies that may have never been

*Boop beep boop*

“You’re gonna need a bigger boat”

*Boop beep boop*

“Dammit Janet, call Triple A.”

*Boop beep boop*

“Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope”

*Boop beep boop*

“Hello, Stella?”

*Boop beep boop*

“911? John McClane here. Help?”

*Boop beep boop*

“It’s ET, come and get me before this kid finds me”

*Boop beep boop*

“Spock here, Captain. You can call off the search.”

*Boop beep boop*

“Hello Tom? It’s Meg. Are you on the roof of the Empire State or not?”

*Boop beep boop*

“Here’s Johnny!”

Frank Altair surreal ranter

Hello World!

My name is Frank Altair and I'm a comedian. I want to welcome you to my blog Frank Altair Stand Up Comedy!

This blog will contain comedy. Writing, vlogs & videos, that kind of thing. It's just a simple place online where I can do my ranting and tell jokes. Feel free to chime in!

Leave comments, send me an email, whatever you like! I'd be glad to hear from you.

Let me begin by telling you something about myself. I'm a 40-something American with a wife and little daughter. I have a degree in psychology, and in my life I've had a pretty eclectic career. I've been a writer, a teacher, a professional musician, an artist, and of course, a string of day jobs.

I'd describe my comedy as "surreal, random ranting"; I tend to ramble on about certain topics, like a laid-back Dennis Miller or Dennis Leary. I try to keep it family-friendly and clean.

And now I'm off to Burger King to heckle a cashier. "Hey buddy, you call that a paper hat? I could make a better paper hat out of a used coffee filter and a grit magazine! Nice job pushing the button with the picture of a hamburger. You know, in college I once saw a chimpanzee that could do the math in his head - and he got a banana every time he pushed the right button! What do you get? You get to not be fired and homeless."


That's my time,
Frank